Yet Another Name for Jeju!

I was reading through the Korea Times again and came across an article about Korea exceeding the international standards for the number of caesarean section assisted births. For those men (and women) unawares, a caesarean section assisted birth is where the baby is literally cut out of the mother. It leaves a very noticeable scar on the mother. My wife has often commented on the number of women she has seen with caesarean scars on their abdomen whenever she went to a bathhouse. I was born this way. My mother used to show me the scar whenever the family went swimming. The scar exhibition was usually part of her reminding me of what a pain I was as a child (she was right, I was a pain - and still am, just ask Mrs. LOJ.).

Anyways, according to the article approximately 45% of all births on Jeju are done this way! Now, "caesarean's" are usually done if there is some complication during the birth. So that means almost 45% of all births on Jeju experience complications!??? Uhhh, I find that hard to believe. But then I read this:

The report also showed that the average cost of delivery through caesarean section was 972,866 won ($1,020) while natural childbirths cost an average of 573,679 won.

Ahhh, now I understand. The "complications" may not be connected to the mother, but rather to the bank accounts of the doctors and hospitals.

The full article can be found here.

After reading the article I was reminded that Jeju also has the highest divorce rate in Korea.

If the powers that be want to hang their hat on some characteristics of Jeju that can be objectively verified, why not use these two unique charateristics?

So to add another name to the previous list of LOJ recommended names for Jeju I submit:

Jeju, The Cut and Run Hub of Korea

(I wonder when the Korea Times will realize that "Cheju" changed its name years ago to "Jeju." Idiots. If I had 100 Won for every time time I read "Cheju" in the Korea Times, I could pay for a caesarean assisted birth!)

Poetic Justice

A few days ago I wrote a comment about a messed up IV in a photograph. Well I guess I should learn to keep my mouth shut. This last Sunday night I got a case of 장염. This is the Korean for what we would call a stomach virus. In an attempt to solidify Korea’s position as the “Hub” of stomach ailments, the Korean version is nasty - real nasty. It really knocks you on your butt. It is one of the few times in my life where I was “evacuating” my stomach contents from both ends at the same time, if you know what I mean.

I go to the hospital, get a nice painful shot and some pills and go home. The virus just laughed at the drugs and twisted my innards even harder. So Tuesday I go back to the hospital and this time they say I am dehydrated also. Well, no kidding, Sherlock. You try projectile vomiting while at the same time projectile pooping and see if you don’t lose a little bit of your water! So they hook me up to an IV. Not just any IV, but one that takes 5 friggin' hours to empty into me.

So there I lay, in the emergency room with an IV slowly dripping into me. The bed I was in was in direct view of the hospital waiting room. While I stare at the ceiling about 500 Koreans sit in the waiting room staring at a fat, balding, white guy with an IV slowly dripping into him. I thought about charging admission for the opportunity to stare at me. I just know some people were just pretending to be sick so they could come in and stare at me. I just know it, dammit!!! I just know they were calling friends and relatives to come to the hospital to stare at me. Hey, what a great idea for a night out with the family! Let’s go to the hospital and see the fat white guy shoot water out his butt and mouth at the same time. Yeah, daddy let's go see the weird foreigner!!!!

About three hours into the Korean IV torture I hear a child in the next bed scream 살려 주세요!!! Which roughly translated means “Keep me alive I want to live!!!! Next I hear the kid scream 죽고 싶지 않아요!!! This means “I don’t want to die.” I thought “What the hell? Are they killing that kid?” So I pull back the curtain next to me only to behold a sight that will probably require me to attend therapy sessions.

Expecting to see broken body parts and blood, I instead see something much worse. Apparently, a little boy about 5 years old had a bad case of constipation. So the nurses were giving him an enema. Yep, the boy was laying on the bed with a nurse shoving what looked like a fire hose up his butt. As I was about to close the curtain the little boy cuts loose with the water they pumped inside him. My first thought was “Hey, you think that’s good kid? Just watch me shoot water out my butt!! “And I don’t need any help from a fire hose to do it!” For some reason the whole scene started to make me laugh and I couldn’t stop. I tried, really I did. Even after my wife smacked me for laughing I couldn't stop. So for two more hours I was there laughing, being stared at, getting smacked and promising to never, ever comment on a photograph of an IV or nurse. I know it was a form of poetic justice at work.

Naming Jeju. A Work in Progress

According to Wikipedia, historically, Jeju has been called by many different names including:

Doi (도이, 島夷)
Dongyeongju (동영주, 東瀛州)
Juho (주호, 州胡)
Tammora (탐모라, 耽牟羅)
Seomna (섭라, 涉羅)
Tangna (탁라, 竣羅)
Tamna (탐라, 耽羅)
Quelpart (by the Europeans)
Saishu (by the Japanese)
Cheju
Jeju
Jeju Special Self-Governing Province

(The term “Special Self-Governing Province” (특별자치도, 特別自治道 ) has been added recently due to the new semi-autonomous status given to Jeju by the Korean government.)

Looking around I see that the need to name Jeju is indeed a work in progress. I have seen the following tacked onto the name in various places on the ‘net and around the island.

Treasure Island of the Pacific
Sports Mecca
Pleasure Island
Heart of Asia
Island of Fantasy
Hawaii of Korea
Peace Island
Island of World Peace
Honeymoon Island
Hub of (fill in the blank)
(Fill in the blank) hub of Northeast Asia

So, I decided to help out a little bit. I recommend the following list be considered to simplify things.

1) Jeju, the Special Self-Governing Hub of (Fill in the blank) and Treasure Sports Pleasure Heart of Hawaiian Fantasy Peace Honeymooners East of Mecca in Northeast Asia.

2) Jeju, The Hub of Hubs in Northeast Asia

3) Jeju, You Name It, We Want To Be It.

4) Jeju, Catch Phrase Hub of Northeast Asia.

5) Jeju, Identity Crisis Hub of Northeast Asia.

6) Jeju, We’re Not Japan, Dammit!

7) Jeju, Singapore Wannabe.

8) Jeju, Hong Kong Wannabe.

9) Jeju, The Wannabe Hub of Northeast Asia

10) Jeju, The Marital Aid Capital of Korea

(OK, OK, this last one may be a little harsh, but look at the “Dolharubang,” the symbol of Jeju, below and see what YOU think it looks like!)

The Lifeboat

The class at my part-time teaching job has turned out to be a very interesting group of people. This, I believe has a lot to do with the demographics of the class. With doctors, farmers, Army officers, teachers and housewives it is an interesting mix.

Last night I decided to have the class do the “Lifeboat” activity. I got the idea for this activity from Kevin over at “BigHominids Hairy Chasms.” In short, the scenario is that the class is in a lifeboat and it has started to leak. In order to save the lifeboat, one person must be thrown out into the very cold water. This will mean certain death for the person chucked from the boat. I then divide the class up into “lifeboats,” assign each one a character to play, and let them discuss, in English, who gets thrown out.

The discussion last night took an interesting turn. Usually after about 15 minutes the decision is made and the unlucky sacrifice is decided upon. However, last night after about 30 minutes one of the “lifeboats” decided that they would all rather die than live with the guilt of sacrificing one of the passengers. The other boat decided that 2 people should be thrown overboard as insurance that the boat will not sink. The only caveat was that the “pregnant woman” of the group had to first promise not to have an abortion. Once the promise was made the 2 agreed to go swimming.

I have used this exercise in the past with other classes and it is usually straightforward. It usually ends up being “Hey you get out now!” Last night was definitely unusual. I chalk it up to the difference between the students at my college and this adult class. Maybe I’m making too much of it, but as I thought about it while driving home it hit me that all but two of the 22 students are parents. Maybe this would account for the willingness of the one lifeboat to "die" rather their families having to live with the shame of their actions. It might also account for the second lifeboat’s volunteers having the caveat about saving the unborn child of the group. Actually, it probably has nothing to do with it. I just found it interesting.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

While browsing through a local Jeju paper, I came across a story about food poisoning in an elementary school in Jeju City. The story described the 7 students who were hospitalized, etc., etc. But what caught my attention was the photo.

Can you see what's wrong?



(Insert the theme from the game show "Jeopardy" here.)




Answer: Look at the IV tube on the boys arm. It's red! Now look at the grip the nurse has on the boy's hand. Something is definitely messed up with his IV. There is blood coming out of his hand and traveling up the IV tube.

What would seem to be a stock photo of a nurse caring for a victim of food poisoning is, instead, evidence that some nurse at that hospital needs to go back to school to learn how to start and secure an IV. The nurse in the photo seems to be trying to correct the problem. Oh, and yes, I have been trained and have started numerous IV's in my previous life.

Random (Boring) Stuff

On Wednesday I had my second class at the part time job. As I was using this first week to try to get to know the students as quickly as possible, I just gave a quick 2 hour pronunciation study/practice methods class. It seemed to go over well. I found out from some information sheets I passed out during the first class that the class demographics include a ROK Army officer, a doctor, a mechanical engineer, and several teachers and unemployed (and bored?) housewives. It is an interesting mix. As this is strictly a conversation class, I have to rack my brain to come up with a good number of conversation activities for the group. This is turning out to be easier said than done.

Wednesday saw my first get together with “E” to work on the text book. The work, which consists mainly of transcribing dialogs, went well. We were able to knock out about 10 pages on the first day and another 10 pages today. “E” has already written the book in Korean and we are just working together to put it into sensible English. The overriding principal for the translation is “Don’t worry about grammar; write the dialogs as Americans would speak it amongst themselves.” My only question was whether or not profanity was allowed (it isn’t, of course). “E” then suggested we go out and actually visit the sites where the dialogs are supposed to take place to make sure we are capturing the atmosphere of the place in the dialogs. Of course, I am hoping a large majority of the dialogs take place in night clubs or other places of ill repute. But alas, that is not my luck.

The New Job Begins

Monday was my first day at the new part-time teaching job. After arriving I was met by the friendly lady from the previous post who had the class list and assorted paperwork ready for me. She also gave me the combination for the cipher lock to the teachers lounge and a cup of coffee. She showed me where I could get this and that and was quite helpful in getting me settled in to the job. She kind of reminds me of “Radar” O’Reilly from the TV series M.A.S.H.. She is low on the totem pole but I am convinced the department and maybe the school would be in dire straits if she left. She seems to be into everything.

The class went off without a hitch, and I actually found myself having a lot of fun. The students range in age from 23 to 52. Their English ability seems to be between pre-intermediate to high intermediate. Actually, this was a pleasant surprise. I had nightmares of having a class that included false-beginners mixed in with advanced. I found it interesting that there are only 4 men in the class, all professionals with what appears to be high-intermediate levels of English ability. The women are mostly housewives it seems, with a few teachers and company workers mixed in for good measure.

One thing that did kind of unnerve me during the class was that the head of the department sat in the class the entire two hours. However, at one point, when my voice started to get a little rough, he left and returned with a bottle of ice cold water for me. A very nice gesture I thought.

The school selected 20 students for the class but informed me if another student wants to get into the class it is MY decision whether to select them or not. I ended up selecting two additional students. Both of whom seem to be advanced. It is too early to make a final judgment, but the level of support, quality of facilities and class demographics leads me to believe the next 5 weeks are going to be a good teaching experience for yours truly. We’ll just have to wait and see I guess.

Oh, and “E” called me today. He wants to get together to start work on our textbook tomorrow. It is going to be a pain in the butt, but I am looking forward to it in a sado-masochistic kind of way.

Computers and Waves

A small piece of advice. Whenever there is a storm, like a typhoon or a thunderstorm, UNPLUG YOUR COMPUTER FROM THE WALL!

Some people will assume their computer is safe if they have it plugged into a surge protector. It is not. I don't know much about electricity or computers but I do know there is something in the Korean electric grid on Jeju they allows surges through the system almost unimpeded. A surge protector, contrary to popular opinion, is not fast enough to stop these Korean electrical monsters. The end result is that your computer can be fried in short order, even if it is turned off.

I was reminded of that fact today when I went to a local LG electronics store to look at digital cameras. The service line was backed up with people carrying CPU's that had been "shocked" last night during the typhoon. In my house, the rule is if you hear thunder or there is an approaching storm, unplug the computer from the wall. It only took me one time, a few years ago, to learn this lesson. When in doubt, unplug the computer.


As typhoons approach the island the wave action is often very beautiful. I will often go down to the ocean and just watch the waves come crash on the rocks. The typhoon that hit this weekend was preceded by some awesome waves. Of course, a little common sense has to be exercised when wanting that once-in-a-lifetime photo.

I hope they brought a change of clothes.

A Visit to the New Job

Yesterday I went to the school where I will have the part-time teaching job. Based on the incident, as discussed in the last post, I decided to take Mrs. LOJ with me. We showed up at the school and wandered into the lobby. Looking around I see a poster with my name on it! Turns out the school had started to advertise the class a week or so ago. I was amazed that they actually spelled my full name correctly. No small task. They also included a small biography. I kept looking for the words "intelligent," "sexy," "super-teacher," but no such luck. Oh well, at least I didn't see things like "old," "fat," or "the only one stupid enough to take the job."

While wandering around we were chased down by a very short and very friendly lady. Who, upon reaching us, stopped and just looked at me. I looked back and said "Hello" in Korean. She brightened up a bit and started talking a mile a minute. I soon became lost and looked at my wife. This is our family signal for "Help me!" My wife starts talking and we are soon ushered upstairs to speak with the department chair. While walking the lady tells my wife that the deparment head speaks a foreign language. Great, I thought to myself. I can tell him that he made the right decision in hiring me!

We are shown into a conference room and sit down. I look at the door just in time to see someone peaking around the corner staring at me. It reminded me of a small child that peaks around the corner looking for Santa Claus. I look at the one eye I see next to the door and it quickly disappears out of sight. Kind of childish I thought. But, when living in Korea you soon get used to being stared at by people of all ages.

A minute later the eye reappears. Okay, this is getting uncomfortable. I look at the one-eyed staring machine again and it disappears again. Just then the short lady reappears and says something to someone in the hall. I assumed, correctly, she was speaking to my new one-eyed friend. Just then the lady enters the room with a tall, friendly looking man. I knew it was my one-eyed friend. I would recognize that eyeball anywhere.

I am introduced to the department chair. I stifled a laugh and start to go into my "I am grateful for the job" spiel. The department chair just stares at me. I am a little more comfortable though because I can at least see both of his eyes. After a minute or so he says "Nice to meet you." Uhhh, okay. I wait for him to pick up the conversation, no dice. So we sit and stare at each other. He then says something to my wife and she laughs. She turns to me and says "He speaks a foreign language.......French." I respond "Oh, he speaks cheese-eating-surrender-monkey." I laugh....no one else does. I felt like I had just farted in church.

Through the use of pidgin Korean and English, with my wife helping out with some translation, I find out the specifics of the job....which are none. According to the director my job will be to "Make students like English." No books, no tests. They have approximately 40 students who have signed up for the class but only have 20 spaces (Thank God). So they are planning on giving a sort of entrance test on Saturday to pick the "top" 20. I assume "top" to mean those who paid for the class and have a heartbeat. Although the heartbeat is probably optional.

After the explanantion the lady asks if I would like to test the students......right now, on the phone. I ask how many phone interviews and she says 40. I thought, yeah, right. Figure the odds of me doing this. Anyways, I make some excuse as to why I would love to but can't. I put on my "Oh, shucks I'm so unlucky" face to keep up the impression that I would even remotely consider doing 40 unscripted telephone interviews. It must've worked because the issue was dropped. But I do wonder who is going to do the evaluations. No one there speaks English!

I also found out the "student" who called me a couple of days ago and struggled so valiantly to speak with me was actually an English hogwan teacher that was friends with the short friendly lady. OK, whatever. The meeting was helpful in that I realized that I have free reign to do, or not do, what I want. This should be interesting. It will also be a lot more work than I had anticipated. But hey, the money is great, so I can't complain.

New Job and a Steak Knife

The new part-time job starts on Monday. I was beginning to worry because I hadn't heard anything from the school. "E" said that he would act as intermediary, have a meeting, etc., etc. Then, of course, he takes off to Seoul for a weeks vacation.

So, thinking that "E" would call me Monday morning in a panic, I decided to just wait for him to call about the job. When you've been in Korea a while you learn that this is not an atypical approach - last minute, panic, wrining of hands, blank stares etc., etc. Once you break the code on this "methodology," the stress level diminishes considerably.

Anyways, this morning my phone rings. Mrs. LOJ answers it and says "Yobosayo." The girl on the other end asks, in English, "May I speak to LOJ?" My wife says, "Who's calling please?" The girl on the other end says "Uhhhhh," and hangs up. Now, any married guy can tell you this is not good. A female calls asking for you and hangs up when your wife asks a who is calling is a weee bit suspicious. I'm sure Mrs. LOJ started to think: "Could LOJ have a girlfriend?" "Do I have to remind him that he doesn't need certain body parts to live?" "Does he really want to squat for the rest of his life in order to take a piss?" "Where is that really sharp steak knife anyways?" Hmmmm.

Of course while all this is going on I am passed out in bed trying to recover from two nights of watching the World Cup games.

Anyways, the phone rings again, my wife, the budding detective, notices that it's from the same phone number, so she wakes me up and gives me the phone stating in a monotone (read scary) voice "It's for you." I take the phone and answer it, all the while wondering why the wife keeps staring at me. "Hello" says the guilty until proven innocent LOJ. The girl answers, "This is XXX" "Okay" says I while listening to sound of knife sharpening in the kitchen (Are we having steak for dinner? Yummy!). The girl answers "I am from XXX school" Ahhh, the lights go on, its about the job. Then she says something that sent a chill down my spine. She says "I'm a student, I am calling for the English teacher who doesn't speak English." Say wha...? She then tries, bless her heart, to explain the job to me and then asks, "Which book are you going to use?" Heck if I know, I don't know anything about the class. She then asks if I am going to give a test the first day "Of course, says I." She then asks some basic questions and I give some basic replies and then she says good bye.

My wife comes in the bedroom and asks "Who was that?' It wasn't what she asked, it was HOW she asked the question. Immediately I switch on the "No time to make a joke about having a girlfriend" filter and say "It was the school." My wife brightens up and says "Oh, okay" goes into the kitchen and puts the steak knife in the drawer.

From this small incident I learned:

1) The school has English teachers that don't speak English.
2) It is going to be a bit of an effort to get things done at the school.
3) At least one student speaks English.
4) My wife loves me enough to contemplate mutilating my body with household cutlery.

Ain't love grand!

Am I Going to War????

As a veteran, I occasionally receive letters from the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs (VA). I recently received a letter informing me that my personal data was on a laptop computer that was stolen from the home of a VA employee. I had read about the incident on CNN and was aware of the problem. The form letter contained the usual recommendations about periodically checking your credit in the U.S., reporting any problems, etc., etc. It also included an apology and promises to better secure data in the future. Ok. Ok. No problem. Thanks for the letter.

As I put the letter on my desk I looked at the address on the envelope again……My name, street address, city and province were correct. Then I read the last line which stated:

Democratic People’s Republic of Korea

WTF!!!! According to the U.S. government, I currently reside in North Korea!!!

Are they trying to tell me something? Am I going to war? Or, is the VA really that incompetent. My money is on incompetence.

Although, I thought I'd better get some new clothes, just in case. Out with "Be the Reds" and in with......